Diaries of a Perfectly Imperfect Mom by Marissa Jaret Winokur Marissa Jaret Winokur’s Blog: Why I’m Trying for Another Baby celebrity baby blog DEC 17, 2010 Marissa Jaret Winokur co-hosts the new CBS daytime chat show, The Talk, and is mom to 2-year-old Zev Isaac with her husband Judah Miller. Winokur, 37, was diagnosed with cervical cancer 10 years ago, had a hysterectomy and later welcomed her son with the help of a surrogate. Though her road to motherhood had a few twists and turns, she faces the same joys — and challenges — as any working mom. In her latest and final blog Winokur bids farewell to readers – and talks about her decision to undergo IVF to try to have another child. Happy Hanukkah from Judah and Zev! — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur So here is my last blog — for now. I have loved sharing everything with you guys.  The number one reason I’ve loved this experience is being able to read all of your comments. I have finally felt like a normal mom. I know that everything I am going through is normal and my worst mommy days are shared with, I like to think, millions (or maybe hundreds) of other moms. Happy Hanukkah This holiday week was amazing! I found a way to trick, yeah I said it — trick! — my son Zev into going to preschool. I noticed he loved going to work with me. If I say, “Let’s go, it’s school time, ” he won’t get changed and he says his clothes are “spicy. ” He can’t get dressed. (If you missed the story on The Talk, Zev says that everything is too spicy, scary or wet. Not just food, but when it’s bath time or time to put on his PJs. He yells, “No, no PJs — they’re too scary, spicy and wet” all in one breath!) So getting him dressed to go to school is the same story — “too spicy. ” But when I tell him he has to hurry because Mommy is going to work, he runs and gets his clothes to beat me to the car. So I now bring Zev to work with me early, get him a treat and then bring him to school. IT’S AMAZING! I am not lying to him — I do bring him to work. But it is the long way to school. Hanukkah was awesome! It was the first year Zev could really participate and enjoy the holiday. I do admit, we may celebrate 10 nights! Zev was so cute “lighting” the candles and singing the songs. I never wanted it to end. But the night I found myself running to the drug store to make sure I had a present (bubbles go a long way!) was the night I explained that Hanukkah is really eight nights. At work on The Talk with Mom — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur Big News! I hate leaving this blog on such a cliffhanger so please follow me on twitter (@marissajwinokur) for more … but … here goes … I have spent the last month doing IVF and this week I had my eggs removed!!! Judah and I have six embryos waiting to find a womb!!! I can’t believe I’m fully back in the process of trying to have a baby! I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t imagine loving anyone the way I love Zev. I know he will adore having a sibling. I know having me as a mom is hard and he needs a brother or sister to share my craziness with! When I ask him if he wants a baby brother or sister he says “a baby boy. ” Who knows! Now that the first step is over and I am fully pumped up on hormones, I am so excited to keep mov-ing forward. I am the youngest of four siblings and we’re all so close. I don’t know where I would be without my brothers and sister. I secretly believe that my parents love me the most! How can that be? I know I’ve said it before, but how could I possibly love as hard — again after Zev? Well, my parents did four times! The Winokur Family! — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur   I am so nervous about the newborn stage, but at least this time I know that one day I will make contact with the alien and bond. And when that day comes I will be hooked forever. I hope the process doesn’t take forever, but I have faith it will work out the way it’s supposed to. That being said, I am not looking forward to the rollercoaster ride of it all. I have a few girlfriends who are also trying to get pregnant and every month they feel a little let down when they get their period. But hey, at least they have sex over and over again trying to get pregnant! I mean, I could pretend that our embryo wasn’t being made in a Petri dish, but who has the energy at the end of the day? If it were sex to make a baby that’s one thing, but to just do it to do it … who’s got the time?  I have really enjoyed sharing my day-to-day mom-isms with you and hope to continue to share through other spaces. If I can leave you with one thing, I just want you all to know that we as women and mothers are all doing the best we can. We have to stop beating ourselves up — and stop beating each other up. Additionally, we should make sure to enjoy our kids at every stage. By the time kids are 2 years old, they will all be able to stack blocks. By kindergarten, they will all count to 10. By third grade they will read (not all … I think I didn’t really start till fifth grade!). What I’m trying to say is that by 18, they will all be potty trained and have gone through puberty. I for one know at that point — when Zev is dating and talking about moving out — I will try very hard to lock him back in that car and keep him with me forever. So enjoy ‘em while we have ‘em! – Marissa Jaret Winokur Marissa Jaret Winokur’s Blog: Celebrating 10 Years Cancer-Free celebrity baby blog DEC 10, 2010 Marissa Jaret Winokur co-hosts the new CBS daytime chat show, The Talk, and is mom to 2-year-old Zev Isaac with her husband Judah Miller. Winokur, 37, was diagnosed with cervical cancer 10 years ago, had a hysterectomy and later welcomed her son with the help of a surrogate. Though her road to motherhood had a few twists and turns, she faces the same joys — and challenges — as any working mom. In her latest blog, Winokur celebrates an amazing 10 years of being cancer-free. Judah, Zev and Marissa — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur   Okay this week only — if you’re reading my blog to find problems with me and looking to write mean comments, please stop reading now. Seriously, if I annoy you so much that you can’t help but be mean, just stop reading. You can totally resume your negativity next week! But this week is all love and joy and happiness. I want to share a very personal day with all of you, and my heart can’t tolerate reading anything bad. But next week, feel free to read and find me a whiny, insecure spaz. Today marks 10 years of me being cancer-free! Ten years ago, I had been dealing with my cancer for a while – I was diagnosed in August of 2000. In December of that same year, I was lying in a hospital bed, questioning my life and wondering what was in store for me before doctors operated to try to remove the tumor. It’s almost impossible to go back to that time. I was so deeply terrified and depressed. I was 27, an unemployed actress living in a really crappy studio apartment. I had just moved to Los Angeles alone, away from my family. I had cervical and uterine cancer and I was told that I would never be able to carry a baby. (Back then no one ever spoke of surrogates.) On Dec. 10, 2000 I learned I was free of cancer. I have to admit that at the time of my surgery I was just thinking, “NO MORE CANCER. ” I wasn’t thinking, “Oh no, I won’t have a baby. ” But I can assure you those thoughts soon followed. This blog, though, is not about the sadness cancer brought me. Instead, 10 years later I want to embrace it and share the happiness I have felt. Look, I try to have a very positive outlook on things in life but when you are told you have cancer you really don’t want to hear advice like, “Look for the silver lining. ” You want to hear, “This totally sucks — let’s get a drink! ” But after that drink I made the decision to literally kick cancer’s ass. And after I did that, I was completely fearless. It wasn’t death that upset me exactly: It was more wondering, “What have I done and what do I want to do?! ” So I began living life pretty hard and doing everything I ever wanted to do! Then I got married and wanted a baby. That’s when it hit me. That’s when the stress and sadness about being unable to carry my own child set in. And oh my God you guys, I WENT CRAZY! When people talk about a biological clock they are not f—ing around! I remember hiking with my girlfriend, weeping about wanting a baby and wanting one NOW!! It was like a bomb went off in me and I had to be a mother!! I say this only because if this is happening to you (or when it does) it’s totally normal. And if you have that bomb go off in you and you have to be a mom, then do it! Best friend Jack and Zev — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur   I learned quickly that it’s not easy for anyone — everyone has their own story or issues. But at the end of the day when you go home with that child, no matter where he or she comes from, none of the b. s. matters. I was literally just giving Zev a bath and smothering him with kisses. I am so incredibly emotional this week. I wish that 10 years ago someone could have told me about my future and said, “Everything will be okay! ” It’s better than okay, in fact! I love sleeping in my son’s silly racecar bed. I love watching hours of Yo Gabba Gabba. I love long playdates with his best friend Jack and traveling with Zev. Most of all I love coming home from work and seeing Zev run up to me saying, “My mommy’s home! My mommy’s home! ” I never give him enough credit, but I love my husband Judah, who sat by my side in the hospital all day and night 10 years ago. I feel so lucky and blessed for every day I have had since “The Big C, ” and I’m just so happy to share this day with all of you! I’m happy to share these memories for many reasons, but mostly because if there is someone out there reading my blog that just got crappy news themselves, I hope this inspires you to get up and start living! And know in 10 years it can all be “better then okay. ” If you’re lucky enough to be healthy and strong, take today to look at how lucky you are. I mean really — you may hate your job but who cares? Enjoy your family or friends and leave work where it belongs! If you hate your family or friends, then throw yourself into your work.  I have no regrets. I had an amazing surrogate who carried my son for me. I am so grateful to her. I can even say I am grateful for having cancer. I was always meant to be a mom, but if I didn’t have cancer I never would have had Zev. I would have had a kid, but not Zev and I want Zev — tantrums and all. At the end of the day, even cancer had a silver lining. It just took eight years for me to see it. Today I celebrate being cancer-free. What can you celebrate?! Please share with me, and more importantly, with yourself. Don’t wait for a tragedy to see how lucky you are! Zev and Marissa at Yo Gabba Gabba Live — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur   – Marissa Jaret Winokur Marissa Jaret Winokur’s Blog: Moms Never Get a Sick Day celebrity baby blog DEC 03, 2010 Marissa Jaret Winokur co-hosts the new CBS daytime chat show, The Talk, and is mom to 2-year-old Zev Isaac with her husband Judah Miller. Winokur, 37, was diagnosed with cervical cancer 10 years ago, had a hysterectomy and later welcomed her son with the help of a surrogate. Though her road to motherhood had a few twists and turns, she faces the same joys — and challenges — as any working mom. In her latest blog, Winokur takes her first trip without her son – and learns that as a mother, you never get to call in sick. Hard at work during the Thanksgiving Day Parade! — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur   OMG, I’m SO SICK you guys. I’m sooooo sick!! But I won’t start there — who wants to read about someone who is sick? I’ll start with Happy Thanksgiving!! I did it! I actually got on a plane and went away from my son Zev for the first time! I have to admit the plane ride was heaven. Well not the first hour — the first hour I stressed that the plane was going to go down and I was going to leave Zev motherless. But after I got over that, I had a great time. I forgot how nice and calm it can be traveling without all the baggage –- and I’m not calling Zev baggage. I really mean all the stuff that comes with traveling with kids. I actually got through security in 10 minutes. I saw people with kids and I felt bad for them, but stayed clear of their line. When I got to my hotel I didn’t have to check for dangerous corners or open wires. I just enjoyed the SILENCE … crazy, eerie silence. There was nothing to worry about — except what was going on at home! So of course, I began texting: What was Zev eating? Did he have a good day? Did he poop? I need to know everything! Finally, I went to bed. So, what’s more scary than flying and feeling like you might crash and leave your child motherless? It’s having your child fly and fearing something could happen to him! I mean THEM … I said them, RIGHT?! My husband Judah and Zev had to fly to San Francisco for Thanksgiving. I never thought something would happen to Judah, but I totally panicked until Zev (again, I meanthey) landed there. I hosted the Thanksgiving Day Parade for CBS and had the time of my life! I can honestly say that as a New Yorker it was a total dream to be part of the tradition. I was glad Zev didn’t come because I totally focused on my job, and to be 100 percent honest I haven’t done that in a long time. I have gone to work, but I’m always racing around to make sure I am doing everything with and for Zev. But during this job, I just worked. Sure, throughout the entire telecast I was constantly saying, “Oh my God, Zev would love this! ” on the air, but still… After the show, my nieces and my brother and a few friends all ordered room service for Thanksgiv-ing dinner. We didn’t have turkey, but man, having burgers and no dirty dishes was sothe way to go! Behind the scenes at the Thanksgiving Day Parade — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur On the Zev front, he had a great time with my husband’s family and he got to fly! He loves flying. He loves airplanes. And when I was in the airport I bought him a little pilot’s hat! Oh my God, I forgot to tell you — this was the first time I spoke to Zev on the phone and understood what he was saying! I told him I bought him a hat and he understood. He also said, “I love you too, Mommy! ” and melted my heart!! Nothing will ever sound so sweet. I can tell you when my husband first told me he loved me — I won’t, but I could! — and mark my words I will never forget Zev’s little voice saying, “I love you Mommy” on the phone during Thanksgiving 2010. When we finally all got back together, I met them at the airport with the pilot hat in hand. I ran up to them with tears in my eyes because I was sooooo excited to reunite with my family. My son saw me and … sat on the ground and started crying because he wanted to go back on the plane! Seriously, all my stressing and anxiety was for nothing. He didn’t come running to hug me. He just wanted back on the plane. I will so remember that the next time I go away! Actually no I won’t, so please remind me! Now, back to how sick I am! I am so sick and have been for two days. I woke up the other day and said to my husband, “I am si…” Before I could even say the word “sick, ” Judah said, “I’m dying, I’m dying, I’m so sick. ” Ugh, he’s sicker than me so he wins! I love him, but come on — I was so closeto being the sick one, but my man was sicker! SCREW HIM!! But that’s a whole other blog. Now we are BOTH sick, but Zev just doesn’t care: He still wants to play while I need to sleep and eat soup. He screams, “Chase me, Momma. ” I can’t, I am so tired. He doesn’t understand how sick I feel. I am also scared he’ll get sick. I know I can’t prevent him from catching anything, but what can I do? And how can I make him understand that I can’t play as hard? Mind you, Zev says to me, “Poor Daddy is sick. ” I say, “Momma is, too. ” He then looks me straight in the eye and says, “Oh, Momma sick? Daddy really sick, poor Daddy! ” What happened to “I love you, Momma! ” Mothers can never be sick! This is the first time I’ve been really sick since Zev has been in my life, so I don’t know quite what to do. I know how to be sick as a woman, but as a mother, I don’t think we can be sick. There are no sick days. You can’t call in. We are now somebody’s MOTHER — now and forever. The word forever used to scare me and make me feel overwhelmed and helpless. Now the word makes me feel hopeful, strong and powerful. But most of all being Zev’s mom (even when I’m sick) makes me feel content and finally at peace. Pilot Zev with his new hat — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur – Marissa Jaret Winokur Marissa Jaret Winokur’s Blog: Primping for Preschool celebrity baby blog DEC 19, 2010 Zev’s sweet ride – Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur Marissa Jaret Winokur co-hosts the new CBS daytime chat show, The Talk, and is mom to 2-year-old Zev Isaacwith her husband Judah Miller. Winokur, 37, was diagnosed with cervical cancer 10 years ago, had a hysterectomy and later welcomed her son with the help of a surrogate. Though her road to motherhood had a few twists and turns, she faces the same joys — and challenges — as any working mom. In her latest blog, Winokur dresses up to scout out a new preschool for her son — and needs your advice on going away for work.   Okay, so I left the other preschool — not just because they saw me lock Zev in the car — but really (I swear) because it was so far away from my house. I actually started stressing out thinking about if there was an earthquake and I couldn’t get to my son. I also noticed that the friends I didmake there lived so far away that scheduling playdates became too hard to plan around L. A. traffic. So I set out to find a closer preschool! Well who knew preschools were like colleges, with waiting lists and stuff?! OH MY GOD THEY ARE 2 YEARS OLD!! Preschool Panic The other morning, I got up an hour early and did my hair and makeup to go on a tour of a preschool. I didn’t want to make the same fashion mistake I did last time (if you don’t know what I’m talking about read my “mommy bullies” blog). I curled my hair and actually put on an outfitinstead of just leggings and a sweatshirt! I wore a nice sweater, small heels and lipgloss. When I drove up to the school, I decided to take off my heels and put on my UGG boots — the school looked big, who’s going to look at my feet anyways? I actually laughed at myself walking in like an impostor, all dressed up and made up. I saw other parents dropping their kids off and I thought, “If my son goes to this school nobody here will ever see me dress this way again. ” So I walk up to the front office basically in character. I thought, “What if I was cast as a well-put together mom who really had her act together? ” I was so happy I was the first one there for the tour! It was 9:14 a. m. (it started at 9:15 a. m.) and no one else was in the waiting room. If this was aTop Model challenge, the other models were about to be disqualified! So do I win by default? Does Zev get in because he has the best put-together mom, who shows up on time and who would NEVER EVER lock her son in the car? I win, I win! NOPE — I lose! The freakin’ tour started at 9:00 a. m.! Yup. And it’s so not my fault! My husband set up the meeting, but then couldn’t attend. So now I am the mom wearing the weird combination of too much makeup and UGG boots! I race to where the secretary tells me the tour must be and they’re already in the classroom. I find the classroom just a second before I thought I would, so as I walk in I am the mom on my BlackBerry cursing out my husband via text message. I walk in and kind of fumble by making a bad joke about my idiot husband. No one laughs — but no one seems to care, either. As I look around, I am the only one dressed up! OMG! The other moms are so cool — wearing sweats and t-shirts and messy updo hair styles. I want to shout, “I am one of you! ” I want to scream, “I didn’t take a shower today and I wore this last night! ” But sadly it wasn’t true. I’ve now turned into the people I hate! I spent lots of time getting ready so that strangers would think I was always this fancy — more time than I spent getting ready to go out for dinner with my husband and his friends over the weekend. I might as well be wearing skinny jeans and holding a latte for breakfast. Mom and Zev on Thanksgiving ’09  Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur   Feeling Weepy Anyway, I walked around the preschool, which was so cute and beautiful it didn’t feel real. It felt like I was watching a movie of what a preschool should be. Soon, I became a total emotional mess. First, we saw the classrooms for the 2-year-olds and the kids were so sweet. Then when we saw the 3-year-olds, I started feeling weepy! The kids looked so big and grown up. They seemed so much older than my little baby Zev! Oh no! Is he gonna be THIS big in one year?! People always told me it goes by so fast and that before I know it, he will be all grown up. This was the first time I felt it. By the time we hit the 4-year-olds room, I was fighting back the tears! Seriously, I was on the verge of crying. I stayed after the tour to discuss availability. I have decided that this is where Zev needs to go! I have to wait to see if there is a class starting in January. Then I ran home and spent the afternoon with my baby! I missed five phone calls and a billion texts — YES, one billion!! No multitasking for me — just mommying. I mommied Zev for as long and as hard as he would let me. I lied to my manager and said I was in a production meeting. I suddenly felt the same kind of separation anxiety that my son has been experiencing. I can’t imagine my baby in that 4-year-old class. They seemed so big! Tips for Thanksgiving? Next week I’m flying off to N. Y.C. to cover the Thanksgiving Day Parade for CBS. I’m gonna be the mom on the street, so if you’re there, say “hi” to me, and if not, watch me on CBS! I am so excited to go back to MY N. Y.C.!! I was going to bring Zev but then thought it wasn’t fair to make him fly six hours for just three days of being there, then fly six hours home. At this age, a long plane ride has to end in Walt Disney World or it’s not worth it! But it’s my first time leaving Zev for more than one night! I am very stressed and am so worried about my lil’ man. He is going to be so confused! Do I tell him? Or do kids not understand the time thing? Can I just say I’m “at work, ” not out of the city?  My husband is taking Zev to my in-laws, so I know he will be full of candy and presents and maybe he won’t miss me at all. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. My advice: Enjoy your families and screw your diets! Mom and Zev on Thanksgiving ’08  Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur   – Marissa Jaret Winokur

Marissa Jaret Winokur and Family
Zev
Juddah and Zev
Marissa Jaret Winokur, Juddah and Zev
Marissa Jaret Winokur and Zev Yo Gabba Gabba
Marissa Jaret Winokur Macy's Day Parage
Pilot Zev
Marissa Jaret Winokur Macy's Day Parage
Zev's Sweet Ride
Marissa Jaret Winokur and Zev
Marissa Jaret Winokur and Zev
Marissa Jaret Winokur and Zev
Marissa Jaret Winokur and Zev
Marissa Jaret Winokur and Zev
Marissa Jaret Winokur and Zev